Salami Swallower Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann Wins Sausage Swallowing Contest

Michele Bachmann wins the sausage swallowing contest at the Idaho State Fair.

Capping a tour de force of the Iowa Caucus Michele Bachmann outdid all competitors when she competed in and won the Salami Swallowing contest at the Iowa State Fair. A previously unknown talent of hers, Michele says she is a  “salami swallower from way back”. Michele eagerly two fisted the dry shriveled monstrosity and made it disappear in a salami swallowing feat not previously seen at the state fair. Salami swallowing comes naturally to Michele Bachman. It’s a talent that, she says, “you either have or you don’t and I damn sure got it. For me salami swallowing is a God given gift.” Asked if this was the biggest salami she ever swallowed she replied, “no, I’ve swallowed salami much larger but that was fresh moist salami. The salami I swallowed in the contest was too dry and scratched my throat.”

Mitt Romney Applauds Michele Bachmann

Romney applauds Bachmann's sausage swallowing victory.

Angry political rival Mitt Romney was at loss to compete and could only stand there dumbfounded. Applauding with a stupid smirk on his face he quipped, “oh yea Michele where have we seen that before? Should I put your phone number on the mens room wall?” A whisper campaign attributed to the Bachmann campaign emerged suggesting Romney knew more about salami swallowing in the mens room’s than he was willing to admit.

Sausage Swallower Michele Bachmann Holds A Press Conference

Michele Bachman explaining sausage swallowing

At a press conference to clear the air of rumors, innuendo, and mixed messages Bachmann explained her salami swallowing technique to a puzzled crowd of Tea Party members. “Salami swallowing is not so difficult”, she said, “Watch, I’ll demonstrate with this microphone.” Before she could make the microphone disappear a technical assistant rushed onstage to explain the dangers of swallowing a live wired mic.

 

Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter in the freak show tent at the Iowa State Fair.

Meanwhile, in an unmarked tent at the remote end of the state fair midway known to locals as the “freak show”, Ann Coulter dazzled NRA members with a private show of her lesser known talents. Not known as the submissive type she showed a side of herself no one seemed aware of. Kudos to you Ann. Now give Michele her salami back…on second thought…no don’t.

This entry was posted in General Bullshit. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.